GENERAL PETRAEUS HOOKS UP WITH KHLOE KARDASHIAN!

Holy Crap! The horny General who got busted cheating on his "She should be a nun" wife (honestly. I'm sure she's a sweetheart and all but she makes Susan Boyle look like a Bikini Babe!) just got caught butt banging Lamar's Ex! Actually, my source on this news breaking story is a known drunk and liar, so the story may not be true. Considering the microscope the guy is under right now the story is probably untrue. Still, Khloe Kardashian and the General would be quite the scoop. Kris and Bruce Jenner may be getting a divorce. I have it on unreliable authority that the reason for their split is because Bruce has been butt banging Khloe. Also that Kris Jenner is blowing Chaz Bono!

WHEN DOES THE NEW SEASON OF ARCHER BEGIN?

I AM HAVING SERIOUS ARCHER WITHDRAWAL! NEW SEASON DESPERATELY NEEDED! I THINK DANCING WITH THE STARS SHOULD DO AN ALL CARTOON SEASON! ARCHER WOULD PROBABLY WIN ALL THOUGH BOTH DONALD DUCK AND BUGS BUNNY WOULD PROVIDE DIFFICULT COMPETITION. DAFFY DUCK WOULD NOT GET ALONG WITH HIS PARTNER OR PUT UP WITH THE CARTOON CARRIE ANNE AND WOULD GET KICKED OFF IN WEEK ONE. MICKEY MOUSE SUCKS AND GOOFY WOULD JUST GO FOR LAUGHS. PLUTO CAN'T COMPETE BECAUSE HE'S JUST A DOG BUT THE TASMANIAN DEVIL WOULD BE THE DARK HORSE CONTENDER TO KEEP AN EYE ON (he would do very well with the Latin dances I think).

EMMITT SMITH STILL STANDING! GILLES GONE!

Personally, yours truly thinks it's BullShit that Gilles Marinni got kicked off of Dancing with the Stars instead of Emmitt. I like Emmitt more from a personality viewpoint (Gilles is French after all) but dancing wise Gilles is the better dancer. Gilles fully commits to each dance (prime example was the Bollywood thing he and Peta did. Incredible!) way more than anyone else. I hope we have an all female final with Emmitt and skater boy getting the boot next week. We shall see.

MELISSA RYCROFT HAS BABE LEGS! KELLY MONACO IS MODERATELY SEXY.

MELISSA RYCROFT HAS GOT SOME AWESOME FREAKIN' LEGS! I MEAN THEY TOTALLY ROCK! SHAWN JOHNSON IS VERY CUTE AND EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS THINNED HER FACE INTO SOMETHING SEXY SHE IS STILL GOING TO TURN INTO A LITTLE BUTTERBALL DOWN THE LINE. NOT HER FAULT SHE IS JUST SO SHORT, PLUS HER MOM HAS THAT PIGFACE THING ABOUT HER SO FUTURE SUITORS BEWARE! KELLY MONACO FACEWISE LOOKS BETTER NOW THAN SHE DID 10 YEARS AGO BUT SHE LOOKS A HELL OF A LOT OLDER THAN SHE IS! MUST BE A COKE HEAD OR SOMETHING.

NO MORE SABRINA! KIRSTIE YOU BITCH!

HEY AMERICA! WAKE UP! DWTS did it again. The super cute spunky GOOD dancer is given the boot in favor of the old, formerly cute, still spunky MEDIOCRE dancer. Don't get me wrong, I like Kirstie a lot and admire the Hell out of her for even competing at 61. However, she doesn't deserve to remain on the show in favor of a BETTER dancer. I mean both of them are well endowed but there is a big difference in their endowment. Kirsties Big Boobs are 61 years old, wrinkly and blue vein-y and gross and stuff! Sabrina 's Big Boobs are only 28, no wrinkles, probably slightly less wrinkly and still gross ( admittedly, I like smaller, firmer boobs with perky nipples begging for my mouth as I wrap my ...sorry. Carried away). Anyhow, I really liked Sabrina and now she is gone! Get rid of Kirstie, then Apollo Anton Gay Ohno Chin Hair. Then Kelly Monaco the cougar slut.